Thursday, October 1, 2015

Moving Aging Family Member into Your Home .. sure?

Joy Loverde addressed Moving Aging Parents into Your Home on the EldercareABC Blog

Joy's information is applicable if you were to substitute "Aging Parents" with Brother, Sister, In law, Relative. What can start as a loving arrangement can turn very sour as we age and what was done on a handshake is hammered by fading memories, assumptions, and unforeseen changes in the needs of everyone.

Verbal contracts are bound to be regretted. After you read Joy's excellent article do not do anything until you have had a family meeting with a elder affairs attorney and review every point she raises. Then put the results in writing with signatures of the principles and your attorney. There is nothing so difficult as a house guest who comes to live in your home without a written agreements, who won't accept consequences of lifes changes, your health needs, your needing to relocate, selling your home and all the emotional, financial and other dynamics of living together.

Don't skip any of Joy's questions or suffer the consequences. They are available on line.

Dave Mainwaring.
Moving Aging Parents into Your Home Are you sure?
Sep. 17th, 2009 By Joy Loverde

"When times are tough, like they are now, sometimes well meaning caregivers of aging parents insist that their parents Moving aging parents, eldercare, senior helpmove in with them without full consideration of what can happen. The most serious stories include elder abuse and neglect, the fastest growing crime in America today. The arrangement of sharing one’s home with aging parents often stirs ambivalent feelings for everyone involved."

"We mean well when we ask our loved ones to move in with us; but we may not realize the potential negative consequences – emotionally, financially and otherwise. For example, if parents move in and contribute to the cost of remodeling the house to accommodate their needs, do they gift their portion of the house to the caregiving child? How do siblings feel about this financial arrangement? Should parents have a contract in which they pay the children for caring for them? How does this living arrangement affect a person’s eligibility for Medicaid?"

"I’d like every caregiver who is currently thinking about this under-one-roof lifestyle for them and their aging parents to take a deep, deep breath and proceed cautiously and slowly. If you have already exhausted the multitude of senior-housing options I offer in my book, The Complete Eldercare Planner, and you have made the decision that combining households is the best option, then promise me before anything else that you’ll take a family consensus as the final checklist before the move."
She is 1000% on target when she said:
The arrangement of sharing one’s home with aging parents is not for the faint at heart. If you succeed, you are beating the odds!